Overcome and Thrive

How Faith Fantasies Affect Your Love Design

  • Have you ever thought that being a Christian would fix all the problems in your marriage?
  • Have you ever believed if your faith was “strong enough” your marriage would be wonderful?
  • Have you ever believed if you submit to your husband, no matter how he treats you, that you are pleasing God?

What are Faith Fantasies?

Fantasy: A fantasy is defined as the activity of imagining things, especially things that are impossible or improbable.

Faith: Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. 6And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. Hebrews 11:1, 6 NIV

Our faith is founded in Christ Jesus living in and through us as we are his disciples or Christians. Jesus tells us that we will have trials, but he will empower us to overcome them. Our faith is not a genie to be ordered, manipulated, or to use as a...

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Lust Fantasy: The Hook and the Truth

Prince Charming, James Bond, and King Arthur are often mentioned in women’s fantasies. Many women are captivated by their adventures and romance. These fantasies might seem harmless, but what if they open the door to being unfaithful to their spouse in their minds?

These numbers confirm that millions of people are searching for a way to feel connected and loved through fantasy. When you get caught up in lustful fantasies, you can’t see how you are hurting your mind, heart, spirit, spouse, and life. You become focused on yourself and fuel the temptations of lust in your mind, which lead to sin.

What’s the Harm of Fantasy?

The hook of fantasy happens in your mind. The fictional men in romance books seem to have it all, but they aren’t real. Our human nature is to want what we don’t have instead of...

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Change Your Love Design: Change Your Life

“What are you doing?” My husband asked as he tried to walk into the office.

“I’m spring-cleaning,” I replied.

Every drawer was pulled out, the closets were emptied in piles all over the floor, and I barely had a place to sit. The office looked like a tornado had landed. When I decide to clean, everything comes out. I create three piles. One pile to keep, one pile to share, and one pile to throw away.

My style of cleaning may be extreme to some people. However, when I’m done spring-cleaning, I feel like everything is fresh, organized, and I know where everything is. In many ways, my way of cleaning helps me purge the old and make space for the new changes to come.

As I spring-clean, I also like to change my surroundings from time to time. The change gives me a new perspective, and I am open to the adventures God will bring my way. When your open to change, you’re also open to new knowledge and wisdom which changes everything.

What Happens...

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7 Signs of a Toxic Love

"Baby don’t hurt me," is a famous line from the song “What is Love?” recorded by artist Haddaway. It’s a plea for the pain in his relationship to stop. It’s a phrase that reveals this relationship is stuck in a cycle of hurt and pain. A healthy “loving” relationship doesn’t continually inflict hurt and pain on purpose. When you find yourself in this cycle, you’re living in a toxic love design.

What is Your Love Design?

The creation of your love design is formed from your life’s experiences, understanding, and the adjustments you make as you learn and grow older. The only love design you can use and live by is the one you know and have come to accept as “normal.”

If you don’t know what’s wrong, how can you fix it? Christ’s healthy love design is the only one that is perfect and never changes. As his disciples, we are called to live in his love. His love sets the healthy standard of...

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What Does Love Mean to You?

“Write down what love means to you.” My counselor Jane requested, as she handed me a blank piece of paper.

All I could think of was the pain and abuse I had endured over the last thirteen years. Images and conversations flashed through my mind as the word love was used to inflict pain, manipulation, and control. After the abuse, the words “I love you,” were used to manipulate my faith into forgiveness and to forget what happened.

With tears in my eyes, I replied to Jane. “Everything good I thought about love has turned into something bad. “

Focus on Healthy Loving Experiences

Jane placed her hand on mine. She asked, “What about how you love your sons? I want you to close your eyes and focus on how you hug, play, and feel about them in your heart.”

Once a closed my eyes, hundreds of images of me hugging them, playing with them, tickling them, and telling them I love them flooded my mind. My love for my sons was full of kindness,...

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Code for Love

Garbage in, garbage out, (GIGO), is a familiar acronym in the computer industry. However, the truth in this phrase also applies to our understanding, experience, and design of love.

People’s minds are like computers. They can only do what they know. If you don’t know that you are using a broken love design, then you will keep using it until someone shows you that it’s broken. You will reconfigure it in various orders to try to get a better result. But, no matter how you rearrange your garbage love code, it will still come out broken garbage.

Although you can’t instantly wipe your broken love design clean like the memory in a corrupted computer, you can choose a new code for your broken love design to follow. You can partner with Jesus and let him transform your broken love into his exceptional love design.

4 Love Code Options

Only you can choose to change the code of love you are using. First, let’s look at your four love code options below.  

  1. ...
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New Year: New Definition of Love?

I love spaghetti, I love music, and I love you; are phrases we use without much thought. What is your definition of love? What does love mean to you? How do you know you have found pure love?

Where Do You Get Your Definition of Love?

You’re not born with the understanding and knowledge of Christ pure love. The first place you experience love is through your imperfect parents or caregivers. Their lack of care or love will also create a broken definition of love from feeling rejected and love-starved. The love you experience in your first three years of life forms your basic understanding and definition of love.

As you grow up, your life experiences continually influence and alter your beliefs about love. Your beliefs modify your current definition of love. If you have been showered with love by your parents, and you know that you are loved, count yourself blessed. However, if you feel love-starved and always seeking to feel loved, take heart because you are not alone. Many of...

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5 Gifts from God When Grace was Born

How many times did you look at your presents under the tree as a child? Who had the biggest or the most gifts? Did you ever unwrap one? Christmas often becomes less about the giver and all about the gift as a child. We don’t truly understand the value of the giver until we get older and the giver is no longer with us.

Before my mom died when I was thirty-six, she gave me profound advice. She told me. “Make memories with the ones you love because when you are in a bed dying, these memories keep the light in your life and theirs. It’s not the things you accumulate or your accomplishments that bring you love and comfort; it is the loving relationships you shared with others.”

God knew this fact as he sent Jesus Christ his only son to this broken earth to spend time with us face-to-face. They gave us the most precious gift you can give anyone you love, personal time in a personal relationship. Jesus made it possible for us to have him dwell within us on earth and...

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Keep the Contagious Spirit of Christmas

Christmas music, twinkling lights, and the smell of cinnamon and pumpkin pie pull all of your senses into the spirit of Christmas. However, your daily responsibilities, your list of presents to buy, and all of the festive arrangements you must make can often tempt you to lose the spirit of Christmas.

Christmas is the only holiday when people and communities are focused on being compassionate, generous, and caring for friends as well as strangers. During Christmas time there is a magic in the air beckoning us to be kind to our fellow man. What is there about Christmas that brings this magical essence in the air?  

Source of the Spirit

The source of the spiritual essence of love in the air comes from the birth of Jesus Christ. When Jesus was born, God was walking with us on the earth once again. The birth of Christ signifies the union of heaven and earth. The prophecy of the Kingdom of heaven dwelling among us, was fulfilled. As Jesus was born, his spirit became a tangible...

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#1 Stressor at Christmas in Abusive Marriages

Joy to the World is playing on the radio as you notice the Christmas decorations being hung up, all over town. The air is filled with excitement over Christmas and all that it brings. However, for you, in your abusive Christian marriage, Christmas means escalating stress.

I know firsthand, after living in twenty years of abuse, how keeping up appearances is the number one stressor. This stressor often determines the quality of your Christmas with an abusive husband.

Preparing for Company

As you prepare for your company, you are also preparing for any issues that may come up with your abusive husband. In between making your grocery list and buying the presents you are trying to hope for the best and prepare for the worst. In the back of your mind, you are making plan B, C, and D if things really go wrong.

We all follow the routines we have created at home every day. Even in abusive relationships, there is a routine to things and a cycle. The holidays interrupt this cycle. It also...

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